Before we begin the journey of reframing, let’s stop for a moment to breathe and become present. Inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale… If you know which breathing technique snaps you instantly to the present moment, feel free to do it, if not, just direct your attention to your breaths, in and out, in and out. We are creating a welcoming space in our bodies and minds for the ideas that follow.
It has been almost a year since I mercilessly abandoned my Substack in complete disbelief of my writing skills and consistency. In the meanwhile, a lot has happened, a lot has changed in my life and I am sure in yours as well. Distance appeared between me and my publishing practice. I did not cease to write, but I ceased to share. I believe that sharing your writings is a generous act, not a selfish or egotistical one. And I love being generous, so here we go again.
Do you believe that humans are incapable of change?
No, right?
So why do you believe you cannot change the way you live, the way you are? It might seem absolutely terrifying, thinking about all the work you need to invest in being and working with the discomfort that comes with change. Both inside and out.
However, the simple truth is that change is universally inevitable. That is the only certain thing in life, ironically, the uncertainty of changes.
Humans are wired for adaptability. It may vary how resilient we are, but at the core, it is possible for all of us to embrace the ebbs and flows, the minor and major changes in life. We are highly adaptable.
Knowing this, I have found myself on the brink of uncertainty. Both present and future, of a completely different nature. The first hurdle was to redirect my focus from feeling pre-anxious about future changes to the challenges I have in the present.
I used to be an optimist, a genuinely positive person, but recently, I became more and more negative. It wasn’t until my close friends pointed out that this is not sustainable, and I should definitely not forget to count my blessings and not my curses.
So I started with the simplest but most impactful practice I already had integrated into my everydays. The kind of free-flowing journaling that once helped me and sustained me seemed to propel me into spirals of rumination over the narratives I was so tired of. I wanted to get rid of these stories, to move on, and leave the past, well, in the past.
I set myself out to journal positively. I set up a simple 6-point flow of positive prompts that would, in theory, enable me to cultivate a positive mindset and positive outlook on life. My little experimental question was: How can I cultivate the identity of an optimist and a positive attitude towards uncertainty and life’s challenges? And the hypothesis I prepared to test: within 21 days, I am going to feel more positive about the challenges I have to face and I am going to feel better and more present in my life. (This expectation is based on my previous experiences with the power of journaling.)
This flow of positive prompts includes:
Gratitude (Today, I am grateful for…)
“Success bank” [List of recent and past achievements, strengths, successes; minor and major ones!]
‘Reframe a challenge’ [Identify and define your problem/issue, then reframe it in a way it feels like a challenge. Then, come up with the next right step, do not aim at the ultimate solution, rather find the next right step.]
Positive outlook on the future (I am looking forward to…) [List of things you are looking forward to, feeling excited about, something good that is coming up.]
Affirmations [new stories/narratives aiding you in creating the life you want]
Quests [List of questions, curiosities, ‘how’s or problems in a question form, prompts you want to journal about, things you want to learn more about. This can help focus your attention on solution finding.]
Optional: highlights of the day
(As a rule of thumb, I normally aim at around 5 elements for each prompt, so five things you are grateful for, five successes, five things you are looking forward to, five affirmations. This practice usually takes around 20 minutes while I am drinking my first morning coffee and fills up about 2,5-3 A5 pages.)
What struck me as the most intriguing part of this flow is the ‘reframe a challenge’. I would have never thought that implementing this prompt into my daily journaling practice was going to have such a huge impact on the way I go about solving issues and tackling life challenges. I am not saying that it magically solved all of my problems, because it did not, rather, it transformed the lenses through which I was looking at them.
“If we are always going to greet insoluble problems, we need to find a way to love the process of living with them. And isn’t that the most creative act of all?” (Madeline Dore)
You solve one issue, other two appears.
I was terribly tired of trying to exhaust all problems and clean my plate. But that is just simply impossible. It is not even the right thing to aim for. There is a saying I really like: which sh*t sandwich are you willing to eat? You choose what you do with your time, life and energy, but there are always trade-offs and imbalances.
We need to recognize which problems are within our control and which ones are out of our control. The former instances, we can change. The latter ones, we need to accept and live with them. Both kind needs to be embraced in these uncertain times when it all feels so fragile. Remember, you are, I am, we are all capable of adapting. But also capable of changing.
When I sit down to journal, to journal positively, I do not know what to expect the outcome will be of my lines. It is in those morning pages that I start resolving frustrations and tangible difficulties through the intentional conversion of an ‘issue’ to a ‘challenge’. As simple as that. Like a mental switch. From the burning negativity of the situation to the burning interest in the ‘how the hell will I do this?’ and then finding the next right thing to do. Not the ultimate solution, but the next right step. Both relieving negative stress (fight-or-flight) and transforming it in the opportunity of learning and growing, we are, in real time, solving the issue.
While we are weirdly adaptable, we are also programmed to progress, to want progress, to need progress. We thrive on progressing, proceeding forwards. That’s why they say to fall in love with the journey. Milestones are great to track your path, but they are means to an end. Solving a problem by handling it as a challenge will be something you will be grateful for as well as a point of evidence for your capability and ‘success bank’.
Cultivating a positive mindset and an optimist identity starts with getting rid of old narratives and stories of who you are and what your life is. For example, the first step can be the stopping of rumination in your journaling practice, like it was for me. And implement a more positive flow in your writing that enables you to think differently, to reframe your thoughts and lay the foundation for your future self.
One of the greatest creative act is embracing change. Living with joy in uncertainty.
As I write these lines, I feel empowered and ready to tackle challenges. But realistically, I know that in couple hours I might feel completely differently, defeated under the weight of these heavy changes I am going through. But then, I will remind myself of the identity of my optimist self and I keep going. Somehow, I always manage.
Journaling prompts, questions:
What are you grateful for today?
What are success, achievements, strengths that serve you as proof of how amazing and capable you actually are?
What are you struggling with currently? How can you reframe it as a challenge? And what is the next right step?
What are you looking forward to? What are you excited about?
Who do you want to be? Who is your Highest/Best/Favourite Self? How does she talk to herself? [I AM affirmations]
What are you curious about? What questions are lingering in your mind? What do you want to learn more about?
Thank you thank you so much for your precious time lovely humans!
What can I do for you? Anything you would love to read about, have a chat about?
With love,
Vivi